The comparison of American and Indonesian Culture in Seeing Death, holding Funeral Ceremony, and Expressing Condolence

The comparison of American and Indonesian Culture in Seeing Death, holding Funeral Ceremony, and Expressing Condolence

American Culture about Death, Funeral, and Condolence

Points of view about death

     Death is something that people can not avoid. People do not know when it comes and they can not hope or avoid for it. There is A creature that has power of death. People have their own ways, cultures, and customs when facing death. Like others people, American also have their own ways in this case. Talking about death in American points of view may give us some important keys about American cultures in facing death. American has their own culture is expressing their sadness when there is a death. There are also ceremony, funeral, and condolence expression in United States.

      If we see from religious side, Americans who are Christians have a strong belief in the afterlife and much of their lives are directed at achieving eternal peace in Heaven. They believe that Jesus was the son of God and came to earth to teach through his actions and lessons. Christian funeral services serve the same purpose: to pray for the soul of the deceased, as well as to offer comfort and support to the bereaved. The typical funeral system of Christian:

• An opening statement lead by the priest or minister. Depending on the religion it may be either a prayer, a statement that shows support to the bereaved, or a combination of both.

• Prayers and hymns are read and sung throughout the funeral. Guests are often encouraged to read or sing along at appropriate times.

• Scripture readings are a common part of most services. Similar to prayer and hymns, the specific readings and their placement in the ceremony differ by religion.

• A remembrance given by a close friend or family member honors the life and gifts of the deceased.

• The service ends with closing words given by the minister. He states that the service is over and leads the procession to the cemetery.

• Graveside services also differ by religion, but all services have some form of words of committal in which the minister reads a prayer, praises Jesus and prays for the soul of the deceased.

Christian funeral services focus mainly on the deceased entry into Heaven and God’s ability to give the grieving strength to cope with their recent loss.

      This funeral typical shows us if some Americans still hold strongly their religion and still apply it when they are in funeral ceremony. They have sequence of ceremony that they have to do in this condition. Actually, this is good because it means that they still respects the died ones and the mourning people.

From theology sides, we can know how american thinks about death itself. Here, some their thoughts about it:

Belief Structure Issues American Culture Arabic Culture

1. Reward and Punish- Many believe in it.

2. Nothingness some believe in it. No one would admit to such belief.

3. Transmigration of Some believes in it. No one would admit Souls to such belief.

     We can see that American also thinks that after death, there will be a life that considers reward and punishment to death people about what they have done in the world so far. Besides thinking like that, some of them also see death is really the end of everything and there will no something that will happen after that. So, In the American society, one finds much more diversity in beliefs concerning death. Death in the American society has many meanings. It may mean that one is to dwell in heaven or hell. To some, death is a state of nothingness. To others, death is a transitory state until one return in another life, or life form.

      A sacred image of death was no longer predominant by the time of the American Revolution. By 1800, the sacred death of the puritan had been replaced in public image by a more naturalistic outlook on mortality, and the focus had shifted away from the dead person, and on to the bereaved survivors.

     The rise of science also affected society’s image of death. Charles Darwin’s Origin of the Species, published in 1859, challenged the concept of God as creator and destroyer (Hofstadter 1955). A powerful implication of evolutionary theory is that life is constantly improving, that progress is an important aspect of life. This is certainly not the long-suffering and fatalistic philosophy of the puritan. Instead, people of this secular period believed that life could be made better, and not just endured.

     Life was getting better. Science was beginning to combat diseases that had decimated populations in the past. The germ theory stated that germs, not God, cause death. In the mind of the people, God was displaced from His position as ruler of nature. Death is not subject to the laws of nature. Therefore, as humanity learns to control nature, it will ultimately control death as well (Stephenson 1985:26).

      For hundreds of years, the dying individual had been at the center of the image of death. In the nineteenth century this changed, as death became a part of the natural process. This view has continued into the twentieth century and science and technology now heavily influence our contemporary image of death. At the same time that death was losing its sacred meanings, the more emotionally based nature of community living was being eclipsed by the heterogeneous life in cities and towns (Stephenson 1985:30).

      American comes to be a "death-denying" society. When a person dies in America, he\she is quickly removed and not seen again until he\she has been cosmetically attended to and placed in appropriate attire on satin pillow. Artificial carpeting is used to disguise the earth at the burial site and mourners are sedated, so as not to experience the pain of the loss of a loved one. Another example of death-denial, or avoidance, is expressed by Rosenblatt, et,Al (1976:82) who discuss the tendency in American customs for widows to avoid reminders of the deceased husband, such as getting rid of his possessions.

      They think death not as everyday reality. The United States has now reached the point where it can be termed the first "death-free generation." Statistically, a family can reasonably expect that a death will not occur within it for twenty years. Death has been institutionalized – hospitals, hospices and nursing homes serve to keep the dying out of sight. Death is thus more avoidable than it was in the past. Since it is also contrary to many American values, it is understandable that it is not a subject that Americans wish to discuss openly. Indeed, a great many people find the subject an intolerable one to deal with, and try to avoid any mention of it.

       Actually, Americans believe in progress. They view time as linear and believe in progress, they believe that life has a particular direction to it. Time has become important to Americans and they measure themselves in terms of it. They admire those who reach high goals at a young age. Materialism is another powerful value in American life. One’s success is often measured in terms of accumulation of wealth and goods. In other times and cultures it was possible to be poor and yet highly respected by society. In today’s America that is no longer the case. Personal worth is more often judged in terms of one’s conspicuous consumption than of expertise, education or family. This has led to an increased valuation on things of this world: on one’s possessions and wealth. The institutionalization of American society, the process of becoming more and more dependent upon large-scale organizations to meet daily needs, also performs the function of banishing death to the hospital, or nursing home – out of sight, out of mind.

         From this explanation, it is clear that American has changed their point of views about death. They had thought that death was a way to face another life, however, nowadays, American people tend to avoid talking and remembering death. They have future oriented goals so that thinking about death is not appropriate for them.

Funeral Practices in America

       The overall form of funerals is uniform and generally includes rapid removal of the corpse to a funeral parlor, embalming, institutionalized "viewing" and disposal by burial (Huntington and Metcalf 1979:187).

While there is general conformity, The Jewish ritual allows the dying person to set his house in order, bless his family and make peace with God. The family and friends keep a bedside vigil, thereby assuring the dying that they are not alone. Upon death, funeral plans are immediately made. The Effects of Secularism on American Culture:

1. Death became less of a spiritual matter.

2. Death became more avoidable than it was in the past;

3. Death became a taboo subject;

4. Long periods of grief and mourning became seem as a waste of time (especially after the massive killings of World War II;

5. Materialism became a powerful value in American life, placing an emphasis upon meaning and pleasure derived from this world.

6. A change that has come to be called "the institutionalization of American Society" took place, whereby Americans became more and more dependent upon large scale organizations to meet their daily needs. This included hospitals and nursing homes for the dying and professional funeral directors for the dead.

7. America entered a stage of romanticism of violence and a big growth of life insurance sales. (See Aries, 1974, Fulton, 1977, Howard and Scott (1985).

Then, still about funeral system in United States, exactly the tradition funeral has got transition for two decades. It happened because of these reasons:

1. Changes in social stratification due to a declining economy and shrinking resources.

2. Increased immigration to the United States.

3. Neo-local spread of the family to many geographic locations.

4. Increased demand for cremations.

5. Decline in religious practices and increased secular observances.

6. And a shift from ancestral to contemporary funeral rites.

      However, in theological terms, there are cultural universals that have remained consistent in funeral services, they are:

1. Announcing the death.

2. Care of the deceased.

3. A method of disposition.

4. a possible ceremony or ritual

5. Some form of memorialization.

       As we know, Americans come from many culture. Based on that fact, there are some funeral systems that are practiced in this country, but we just take one as an example, it is African-American Funerals.

Within the African-American community, there exists a wide array of burial rituals which are specific to ancestral roots in West Africa. Funeral rites of the Caribbean tend to be elaborate, steeped in religious ceremony (usually Protestant), and grounded by cultural heritage. Despite the declining economy, the last rites are considered the final rite of passage for those whose elders passed down specific customs from the West Indies. The funeral is a communal affair in which each person has explicit duties to perform.

There can be a period of more than a week from the time of death to the burial, either to transport the deceased back to the West Indies or to accommodate the arrival of family from that location. The few cremations that are requested by African-Americans of Caribbean descent take place only after the same traditional viewing and funeral service. The lowering of the body and covering of the grave is considered mandatory, which might explain the reason for small numbers of cremations.

      Many of the services are held in the funeral home rather than in the church, and the music is more contemporary. “Amazing Grace,” which is a standard funeral spiritual, has been replaced by Frank Sinatra’s “My Way” or other more current songs. Then, there will be a video presentation of the life of the deceased with her or his favorite music (for example, jazz) playing in the background. Then, the spouse of the deceased will say something about him or her. Actually, The higher the social position of the deceased, the more complex and expensive the funeral rite.

      There is a procession following the services from the funeral site to the final resting place, with continued drumming, singing and dancing, or to the airport where the deceased is to be returned to “the Mother-Land” for burial with the ancestors. The role of the funeral director becomes more challenging without having the traditional guidelines of most religious services to follow, because there can be a spontaneous change in the movement and logistics of the funeral rite.

      From this explanation, it is clear that American is formed of many cultural even though it is the funeral systems. It is from many countries around the world where the people come to United States and make new culture and develop their own culture there.

        Then, we talk about condolence. if somebody dies, people around him or her will express their condolence. It also happened in United States. People always send a hand written sympathy card in good stationery instead of a typewritten or printed one. Condolences for death should acknowledge the loss of the person and should not be flippant. They may also some words from Bible to express their sympathy. Sometimes feel uncomfortable at a wake or funeral is because they do not know what to do or say. They are fear of making a mistake often caused people to avoid the situation altogether.

         In American, there are some good advices to express condolence about death:

When hearing the news…

• Be a good listener. Focus on the survivor’s needs.

• Refer to the deceased by name.

• Encourage the family to plan a wake, funeral and burial (even if cremated), if you are in an appropriate position to do so.

• Send flowers with a note (see suggestions for notes below) or offer a donation to a charity or an appropriate research organization.

• Acknowledge the deceased’s life.

• Ask to help make arrangements.

During the services…

• Include children of all ages in the activities. Let them ask questions. Answer honestly.

• For many people, wearing black has been a symbol of grieving and sympathy. Although people are less sensitive about dress today, one still shows respect for the family to attend a funeral dressed in subdued colors and clothing that is less casual.

• Don’t feel guilty about saying or doing something that causes a loved one to cry or crying yourself. Crying is healthy.

• Recognize children, like adults, may respond to grief with humor, behavioral issues and sleep problems. Be patient and tolerant.

After the services

• Keep in touch with the bereaved. Be there for them when they are ready.

• Remember birthdays and anniversaries of the death.

• Offer to clean, cook or do other chores.

• If appropriate, find out about support groups for bereaved parents and have the leader call the grieving parent to talk.

• Send cards frequently — even six months after the death.

• Praise the bereaved for even small accomplishments.

Don’ts

• Don’t take control of the situation. The grieving family needs control to help them work through grief.

• Don’t bring up other people’s experiences. Let the bereaved focus on their loss.

• Don’t pressure the family to clean out the deceased’s belongings. They need to do this in their own time.

• Don’t expect things to be "back to normal" in a certain timeframe

What to say...

Use your own words to convey messages like these:

"I/We are thinking of you. I/we wish there were words to comfort you"

"I/We are shocked and saddened by your loss. We care and love you deeply."

He/She was such a fine person."

"What you’re going through must be very difficult."

"It’s too bad he/she died. I will always remember him/her."

Don’t say…

"It’s probably a blessing."

"I know just how you feel."

"You have to be strong now for your family (or business)."

"Stay busy to take your mind off things."

"God won’t give you more than you can handle."

"At least he/she is no longer suffering."

From these all, it is very clear to us that American people organize everything well included about death, funeral, and even how to express condolence.

Indonesian Culture about Death, Funeral, and Condolence

Points of view about death

        Compare to American culture, Indonesian especially Minangkabau people have their own culture about death, funeral, and expressing condolence. Different from American culture, Minagkabau people think that every people will die and accept reward or punishment in other life later. This is because of the religion that they have, tells them about it. Almost 100% of Minangkabau people is Muslim. They learn about life after death from their religion. Actually American used to think like that too, but because of the development of knowledge, they change their point of views about life and death. However, Minangkabau people really concern about death and almost of them prepare them to face that. Actually, this is really contrasted with American which American tend to be secular about it.

        American believes if death can be avoided by technology, but Minagkabau people believe if death is managed by God. Everything is in God’s rule. People just can do what God expects them to do. Minangkabau people think that times of death is the secret of God, no one ever knows when it comes. So they say that they must prepare themselves to avoid get punishment in other life later.

        As explained above, American people think much about the importance of materials in their life. They also avoid talking about death, and if there is their member that dies, they will forget them easily. It means that American is future oriented community. For them, talking about it will waste their times. Actually, minangkabau people think that death is one of life parts that can not be separated from this life because soon or later people will face it. If one of their families dies, they will not as easy as American to forget him or her. There will be many ceremonies that they will do included funeral ceremony.

          Minangkabau people will spend their days to remember the dead person. Even, there are ceremonies n seventh day, fourthy day, and hundred days to remember him or her. Different from American, in these days, they will do praying together to hope the peaceful life of the dead person to God. In seven days after death, many people come to mourning person’s house and they will pray together and remember about the dead one.

          Actually, Minangkabau people are asked to remember about death so that they will live thankfully and well. They will not just focus to world life necessity; they will think that everything that they do will need their responsibility later in another life. One thing that is sure, they really believe if death is decided and managed by God, not by knowledge even technology.

Funeral system

          Minangkabau people have their own culture about funeral system. When somebody dies, first thing that they will do is to announcing to their community about that news. Especially in Minangkabau, people announce it from Mosque by using sound systems so that all people and citizen can hear that. After that many people come to the mourning house. Then, some men will come to relative’s house of the dead people to inform this news formally. After that they will discuss where the dead body will be buried. Actually, it is a custom in Minangkabau to discuss it before funeral is held. Sometimes, the family of dead person’s father wants the deceased to be buried in their place. After the discussion, because of the rule of their religion, they will bathe the body of the deceased and make it pure. After that, they will shroud the deceased. This is very important in Minangkabau and not allowed to be left.

          After the ritual above, people will pray together and bring this dead body together. Then, he or she is ready to be buried. Actually, based on culture in Minangkabau, before it is buried, there will be someone that will give a speech that relates to the dead person. They will say about asking for apologizing so if the dead person has mistakes, people are asked to forgive him or her. Then, if he or she has debt to people, they are hoped to be sincere and if it is needed, they can tell the mourning person to discuss about it. If the speech is over, the deceased is buried. Commonly, he or she is just buried in family cemetery. In West Sumatera, people bury their dead family in their own cemetery. Actually, it is around their house.

          From this explanation, we can know that Minangkabau people from West Sumatera have different culture with American in funeral system. Actually, these differences can be caused by differences religion that people from these country have. And the most important one, they grow up in different areas, cultures, and ways.

        The way of expressing condolesence

Minangkabau people have different ways from American to express their sympathy to mourning people. If American expresses it by sending card and flowers, Minangkabau people will express it directly. Actually, when they know somebody dies, they will come to his or house. There, they will ask many things to the family whether it is about what the causes of the death, what sickness that he or she has, what the clues that tells if she or he will die, and even how he or she die. Actually, in western culture, it can be impolite attitudes, but in West Sumatera, it can be way to express their sadness and sympathy.

       In funeral day, many will come to see the process of funeral. In some areas of west Sumatra, people will pay some money to show their care. During first week, people will come to the house to pray together for the deceased. They will read Yasin –Al Qur’an to ask God to apologize all that person’s mistakes. They will do some ceremonies in the 7th day, 40th day, and 100th day.

          Another thing that people do to express their condolescence is by coming to the mourning house and bringing rice, eggs, and money. This is the custom and culture of Minangkabau people. Much closer your relationship with the mourning-for example, your family in law, more necessary for you to bring complete condolesence symbols. Sometimes, in some area, people also bring bananas. So, they bring rice, eggs, and also bananas. Different from American, card is not appropriate here. Your care is seen from what you bring.

Another example that people do to express this feeling is by holding ceremony that is called “maimbau shalawat” in the 100th day. The mourning people will invite many people from their village, many relatives, and also the religious person. They pray together to remember the deceased and then they will eat together. The most unique one here is the fact that people who come to this ceremony still bring something. Like what they bring before, they still bring rice, eggs, bananas, and sometimes cake. This is as symbol to express how deep their lost and sadness feeling.

           From the explanation above, we see that how much different American culture and Indonesian culture in seeing the importance and meaning of death, funeral system, and expressing condolesence. American is more future oriented than Indonesian. They tend to speak and discuss more about life rather than death. If somebody dies, they will forget them. The way of them in expressing sadness is also different. They do not express it openly. However, Indonesian-Minangkabau people think much about death. For them, death is a certainty. It can not be avoided. People will express their lose openly. For example, they will ask the mourning people about the death process of deceased as expression of their sympathy.